The four year plan disintegrated…

Tonight it fell apart, I fell apart. It was the year 12 formal and I watched all the students I had taught, some of which had been in my classes since year 7, arrive in beautiful gowns, corsages and looking so amazing.

I smiled, I danced and I watched them and the people around them enjoy each other. The love in some of the couples, the staff and the students hard to digest.

Here I was alone. No one to go home to, no one to call and no one to share it with.

You took that away just over a month ago. We had a four year plan. We would watch miss C grow up and graduate. You a part of that. You even at her formal. The father figure she never had. That was the plan, the dream I suppose.

Most importantly you would have been by my side at a night like tonight. Amazed at what she had become and how much she had achieved.

I faked it. You would have been proud. I laughed. I danced. I played the part.

I got home and I broke. What happens in four years…. I think this is how it is going to be for me. Lots of memories and heartache at the same time.

The good, the bad and the ugly they say.

Tonight it hurts. As I fall asleep, the tears falling down my face, your jumper still cuddled near m my face, know that in four years, you will still be missed. The plan we made, we had, disintegrating each and every day. In more way than I ever imagined.

I miss you, all of you. I suppose loss and grieving take time. Maybe it gets worse before it gets better. I just don’t know how to explain it to a child let alone understand it myself.

We wish you were here. We wish the four year plan still existed. We will do our best but it will never be the same.