The Dam DHL van/s!

Today after a week of semi holding it together, I lost it. I dropped miss C into Brisbane and then sitting in traffic for the long trip back I spotted it…. a big yellow DHL van and I lost it.

I lost it because we used to play spotto. That ridiculous game when we saw a yellow car and had to yell; ‘ spotto’, and whack each other. We took this game seriously after our Mt Warning trip…, and being whacked from behind by my niece.

It became ours.

Your mum even asked us one time while you tried to whack me from the drivers seat….’spotto you said’ she asked what are you doing… well it was our game. Thanks to my niece.

Laura still remembers this and I plan to never let her forget!

There it was the looming yellow van… my head went ‘Spotto’ my heart skipped a beat and my hand lifted only slightly before it again hit me….. you and I will never play spotto again.

Those god dam yellow vans are everywhere now! Why now?

It’s a Friday and usually I would be rushing out the door after a school day either rushing miss C or just me, my bag already packed, in fact it was never unpacked, just topped up, and we would be on our way to you. Tonight I am alone.

The first Friday since you decided to leave us. Alone. I have realised that after loving you for so long and then only having you wholey and completely for just over a year I feel cheated. I feel shattered, exhausted, confused, empty, sad and more. All in one.

The head a swirl of; ‘what if’s’, ‘why’, ‘how do I?’ ‘Where do I’, ‘what am I’ …. but most of all…… what from here?

Dam the yellow vans, dam the memories!

I do however pity whoever is near me when I see one next as I will make sure we continue a tradition we made so much fun! That’s what I can do, is change the game. Change it so it remains a memory, even if a hard one initially but I know you would agree, keep whacking people! Particularly Laura!

Keep it alive, keep it going. Rest assured I will! For you!