The pillow..

I lie in bed again tonight, alone, the pillow next to me fluffed and untouched. Still full and not like you had it!

It’s hard to digest and understand that you will never be in our bed, or next to me again. The pillow fluffed and full, one you used to lay on and tuck under your head, all while throwing your legs over me and within second you would be snoring….. well…… I won’t even mention that!!

I lie looking at the pillow, often at night, your jumper, which still smells of you in my arms, and wonder where you are.

I fall asleep every night hoping I may wake and it was all a bad dream but each day I realise it is not.

The pillow will now be fluffed, your snoring not a part of the evening. Rolling over and knowing you’re no longer here and never will be now part of every night.

It’s all now memories, the pillow talk, great memories. Many of which only you and I will know of.

But……..I cry myself to sleep, often.

The tears running down my face as my hand reaches out to the empty space wishing you were here just one more time? Just once.. just for a moment, filling the other half of the bed and your head on the pillow.

After all you usually took up all of it, the bed that is!

How do I manage with all this room? How do I manage knowing your head will never be on the fluffed up pillow beside me, how will I manage without you taking up the bed, snoring so loudly I would have to make you roll over.. your hand reaching across when I moved or mine finding you in the dark.

You’re no longer here.

You’re not here, but I am.

We miss you. I miss you!!

Taken to soon and without our permission!